The evil of our lives - The office

I repeat, the evil, is the office.

There is a bigger evil and that is the English language. Mind you, I love this language and the opportunities it offers to let me play around with it but English is an evildoer's pal numero uno. One can get away with murder by playing around with words and knit them up in a way that seems inoccuous.

Well, no one's killing any one in my office and I hope yours too but it pays to dwell on one other luxury that this langauge has bestowed us with. And that is the dreaded J word. J, in case you are wondering, does not mean Jealous - it means Jargon.

Jargon is the crutch that helps us stand, the fodder that keeps us alive, the air that makes us breathe, the shoulder that helps us lean on, the soulmate that lets us speak our mind out.

I have till date worked with some of the very respected names in their arena of operations and each passing day convinces me more about the power of jargon and the way it helps ordinary mortals like you and me to fight those hard nosed, attention to detail oriented human beings otherwise known as bosses.

Heres a sample. I am consciously avoiding the zillion jargon arsenal that is in use in my current company for obvious reasons but dont worry, there is just loads of them out there that I can talk about today.

Boundaryless behavior - where exactly on the map is this country called Behavior? Please educate me.

SNAFU - If you dont know what this stands for, ask your friend. If he does not know too, then you are in bad company. Get rid of the friend and google the word. You will not utter this phrase as a presenter but will definitely use it in hushed tones when you are the victim of those insidious meetings and/or if you are on the receiving end of a bad PPT.

Brainstroming - not a cousin of the tsunami, brainstroming usually means an avenue for eating more potato chips, increasing Pepsi's topline and therefore, your waistline.

ETA - I have heard this for as long as have been working on projects. ETA is always two days after the intended project completion date.

Taking it offline - This is the life jacket for all those situations where either you dont know what to say or dont want to say. Taking it offline usually means, "Pal, dont grill me on this one. Lets discuss this over a mug of beer".

Apples to apples comparison - a great example of you can use fruit to drive home the point that we are comparing Clinton with Narayan Murthy

Paradigm Shift - A little different from shifting furniture, paradigm shift very often is used to explain things that are completely illogical and non sensical but cannot be stated in as many words.

Holistic - Nothing holy about this. Holistic is like a Swiss Army knife, you can use it wherever you want and life does not hurt even if you dont use it. Its like a vestigial organ. Dont ask me what that means. Ask Google Baba if you must.

Think aloud - A biological impossibility, this phrase can only be explained by students of philosophy. That fact, however, should not deter you from using this phrase every time you want to say something stupid but are scared about how many eager beavers will pounce on you. Just say you are thinking aloud and all will be forgiven.

Lateral thinking - Does not mean thinking while you are horizontal. The last time I asked someone to think laterally, he borrowed a bench from me. Lateral thinking can be successfully practised by everyone who has an IQ between 0 and 30. If someone tells you that you are thinking like a dork, you tell them you were thinking laterally. All will be forgiven.

Synergy - This could be the name of your next energy drink. Synergy is a great excuse to put the cat among the pigeons and expect them to work like homies in the Bronx. Tell the folks that you will derive synergies from the dichotomous profiles and you will have heads nodding in agreement.

Ok, I was just counting that jargon trash and I guess that will do it for the day. More later. Cheers.

Start with the stomach

Folks, for the ones who are here the first time, a warm welcome. For those who are repeat visitors (hey, I am one for starters!!), welcome back. Dont expect fire crackers from this blog, I have neither the reputation nor the intent to make this blog the topic for a snack conversation. I will keep visiting this place when compelled to. Period.

Over the past three weeks or so, I have taken to some stripped-down-to-its-bares (by which I mean non fanciful) kind of cooking to bail over my blues and also to pursue a small time desire that I have had for a while. For paucity of time, here is what the two dishes look like.

Will post recipes in a short while. Cheers, good luck.